The Man in the Satin Pajamas

So, just incase you live in outer space and didn't know, Hugh Hefner is dead. He died of natural causes on September 27, at the age of 91. I would like to add that I did try not to be "the annoying SJW" about it, even sharing a meme about how no one would say he was in a better place. I'm cringing at myself now thinking about it in the context of our class, though.

So then why did I share it? Because I'm awful and it did make me laugh, I won't lie, but also probably because sometimes it gets tiring being "that person." I'm always the one being all, "so, hey guys, I read (insert book or article) and I think this is (insert critique or opinion)," while my friends and family smile politely and think, "will you please just shut up, why can't you just watch DWTS like a normal person?" That's how I feel, anyway. So I guess you could say that I shared it in interest of keeping things light, even if I'm no Hef fan.

At any rate, when it came time to write, I felt guilty about sharing it, given what the class is about and the fact that news of his death is everywhere in the media and most of the coverage is pretty favorable. Additionally, just as I began rooting around for what to write about, I came across this article, which I thought was a pretty good read. In it, the author recalls a lot of things that we probably should remember regarding Mr. Hefner and his legacy, such as some vulgar stuff about how he would sometimes treat women, as well as that his message was way more about freeing men from the grips of monogamous female lovers than it ever was female empowerment and the overall (read: beneficial for both sexes) sexual revolution. Indeed, while I haven't read Holly Madison's book detailing what went on "in the bedroom" at the Playboy mansion, a close friend who did relayed it to me. From what I was told, there was pretty much zero focus on female pleasure or entertainment. 

I think it is worth adding that I saw Holly Madison in person once, a couple of years ago. I lived outside of Los Angeles at the time, and my youngest child and I held season passes to Disneyland. We would go whenever she had a weekday off of school (and sometimes when she didn't). On the day we saw Ms. Madison, it was a slow weekday, and we were waiting at the end of an exit line to leave a ride - my daughter had left her Mickey ears in the pouch in front of her seat and we were waiting for them to be fetched. A small group walked past us, with a Disney employee, to enter the ride line through the exit. Another Disney guest, upon seeing the group, asked for a photo. Still standing there waiting after their picture was over, I asked the other guest who it was she had asked for a photo. "Holly Madison!" she said to me, wide eyed, as if it was insane I didn't already know.

Later on, when I told friends, I got some of the same reaction: how could you not see it? And the honest truth was, there was not a thing remarkable about her to me, famous or not. First of all, I didn't have cable and didn't watch anything she was in. I basically only knew who she was because of gossip magazines in checkout lines, and from  Perez Hilton. Additionally, I lived near LA, and I saw women who looked like her a lot. There were even moms at my kid's school who looked like her. Basically, I had seen so many others who had over-processed blonde hair, big sunglasses, and surgically enhanced bodies that there wasn't anything discernable about her. It did make me think: how much of an individual can you be when the major goal is to be the diamond of conformity? Sure, he never "made" any of these women conform, but he was an undeniably huge catalyst in the hyper-sexualizing of women, as well as the ever escalating physical standards they are supposed to aspire to in order to feel worthy.

So, as sad as it when someone passes away, when we read all of these things in the media about what good ol' Hef did for sexual liberation, civil rights, and the like, we should probably also remember that he most certainly never aimed to conform himself to anything, or do anything for women that didn't mainly benefit himself. That he may have been a stepping stone is some ways, when you look at him through a certain light, but in most others, he was the same old, same old, patriarchal figure. In short, RIP Hef, but despite the current media glorifications, let's try to remember that history is probably where he belongs. 

Review: What Made Maddy Run

I finished this book last week. What Made Maddy Run is written by Kate Fagan, who, as her website bio lays out, "is a columnist and feature writer for espnW, ESPN.com and ESPN The Magazine. She is also a regular panelist on ESPN's Around the Horn and can also be seen on Outside the Lines. Previously, Fagan spent three seasons covering the 76ers for the Philadelphia Inquirer." In addition, she was also a college athlete, as was Maddy Holleran, which I believe probably had a lot to do with how she wrote this story.

This book, in a nutshell, goes like this: Madison Holleran was the "all-American girl." Beautiful, smart, athletic, and funny. She had great middle class parents, great close friends and an enviable life. Maybe she had some underlying issues that could have been further addressed prior to college, but running cross country for Penn and her use of Instagram are mainly why she ended up committing suicide. It reads as if there simply wasn't a whole lot more that could have been done to help save her, because her use of Instagram had made her feel that life was so superficial that she couldn't truly connect to people any longer.

It was heartbreaking to read about Maddy, and I felt for her, but I just did not like this book. I think that the author took what had proven to be a successful article for herself (she mentions in the book being so pleased with the response of the article that she didn't quit refreshing her Twitter feed, looking for more kudos, for months) and tried to turn it into a book, without doing much more research. 

As shown with this NPR article, the author again only talked about the pressure put on student athletes and the use of Instagram while promoting the book in the media. And so, that's what was focused on, as shown again here. I feel like the focus on sports and Instagram seems to be aimed at scaring the bejesus out of parents and giving them easy things to place blame on. I'm sorry, but I just don't believe what afflicted Maddy was brought on so simply.

The book repeatedly mentions examples of Maddy's obviously drastic anxiety and perfectionism issues, and even names them as such, yet never much touches on them above blaming sports and IG. Instead, the author mentions repeatedly that she also was once a college athlete who had wished to quit her college team. In fact, the book mentions her own life so much I would say at least a quarter of it is about the author. She seems so stuck on the college sports aspect of things she refuses to see much else, other than Instagram, of course. She mentions Instagram so much I started rolling my eyes every time I saw it mentioned again.

There were a lot of signs of Maddy's anxiety issues manifesting in unhealthy ways, and it is pretty well-known that unchecked anxiety can lead to depression.  These include that she was controlling everything she ate, to the point that people were becoming concerned and talking about it and her weight loss, she often liked to drink to excess, she was extremely hard on herself, especially regarding getting perfect grades, and that she was too scared to learn how to drive and get a driver's license. But each time, the author kind of writes it off with a "maybe this meant more than people saw, but who knows" type attitude. 

Women have been disproportionately burdened with anxiety disorders, and they have shown they can manifest in all kinds of ways. Again, having to be the best at everything is one. I think that blaming Instagram for Maddy's perfectionism issues is like blaming one single straw for breaking the camel's back. As we have been learning in class, the dominant ideals that are imposed on women in our society are harmful, difficult to attain, and have been being put in place for a lot longer than Instagram has been around. And that isn't even touching genetic predispositions to mental illness. 

What happened to Madison Holleran was a shame, but in my opinion, this book really falls flat. I feel like if we are being honest with ourselves, we should all see that Madison very likely could have had issues even without track and Instagram, they would have just manifested elsewhere. It's a problem with society, in the messages we promote, and in our lack of mental health resources, and not a problem that should just be scapegoated onto competitive athleticism and filtered photos. 

If it hadn't been sports, it may have been debate team. Had it not been Instagram, it may have been her home décor and lawn (not age appropriate, I know, but hopefully you catch my point). In short, her issues likely still would have existed in her life. It was something ingrained in her that made her obsessed with striving to be the best, to the point it drove her over the edge. I feel like the author focused on some of the small points so much, she missed the big picture.

Pot, Meet Kettle.

As we all know, there was a really big hurricane in Texas a few weeks ago. As most of us also saw, via the media, Donald Trump's wife, Melania, wore really big stilettos onto their flight to Texas to make appearances regarding the disaster. She changed into sneakers while on the flight, so no, it wasn't like she was walking around Houston as "Hurricane Barbie," as I saw some on social media suggesting. Thank goodness.

That it was even brought up was stupid, I agree. But what I couldn't believe was that there were people on Fox News stating that it was ridiculous for the press to waste time attacking what the FLOTUS wears. I don't know what they are smoking, but as this article in Salon points out and sources, the hypocrisy level of anyone on that network saying the FLOTUS should not be attacked for what she wears is astounding. As the article relays, Michelle Obama was regularly attacked by the staff at Fox News for fashion choices, including many times they thought her decisions to have been too haughty. But now it's wrong to pick on Melania's to-fly-in Louboutins? Why?

And it isn't just fashion that the network has been unfair on. Take their coverage on Michelle's bare arms, which, mind you, is in the politics section. On the flipside, Melania often wears sleeveless dresses and no one at Fox News says a word. And here is their coverage on Melania's nude photos. This was labeled entertainment, unlike Michelle's arms, and they offered the take of Donald Trump himself and the photographer as the main focus. Unsurprisingly, they both defended the photos, and even claimed they were art. Well, I'm sure that Michelle's husband and her dress designer or personal trainer would have had just as many glowing things to say about her arms, if anyone at Fox had cared to ask.

Their coverage of the FLOTUS is extremely biased. I am going to add that personally, I totally think race is a factor. It seemed that there was a lot of effort on their part to try and force her to fit into the image mold of one of President Reagan's make believe welfare queens, which many believe was a strong sociological force in the 1980's in demonizing black women in particular (Alexander 48-49).

Don't think so? Here are the google results for "Michelle Obama vacation Fox News." And here are the results for "Melania Trump vacation Fox News." I suggest you look through the results of each and decide which woman Fox News is trying to paint as having an ungrateful, greedy attitude. Despite Trump having been in office less than a year, he and his family "have broken the secret service budget." Yet Michelle was the greedy over-indulgent one?

But let's try to pretend that their is no chance that race is involved in this lopsided view of how they talk about the FLOTUS on America's most right-wing biased network. What is it then? Michelle Obama holds degrees from Princeton and Harvard. Not only that, she made it to Princeton and Harvard after being raised on the South Side of Chicago. In addition, she was successful career wise in her own right prior to moving into the White House. She is also altruistic and by all accounts, a terrific mother. How is she not every Conservative, "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" ideologue's dream come true?

On the other hand, Melania Trump never finished college, not even once she had more than enough means. She came here to model. She doesn't seem to me to hold any real opinions on anything. Literally the only thing I know of her is that she appears to be a good mom. If she hadn't hit the genetic lottery with her looks, where would she be today? Highly unlikely to be anywhere near where she is. What kind of right-wing "rugged individualism" does she represent? Because I don't see it.

So why is she treated so much better by Fox News than Michelle was? If it isn't race related, and isn't indulgence related after all, it seems it would have to be gender role related. Is it the same flavor of abhorrence everyone's one awful sexist uncle had for Hillary? The one that just screamed he couldn't stand to admit a woman may be smarter than him? It certainly feels like it. It feels like maybe Melania wins more respect from the right-wing culture because she "knows her place" as a woman. She is arm candy, meant to be seen but barely heard, and she seems to be okay with it.

As a woman and a mother of daughters, it's just disheartening. We went from being on the cusp of our first female president, after having such an inspiring FLOTUS for eight years, to having a FLOTUS whose greatest life skill appears to be Zoolander-ing her gorgeous face into something that looks like a cats. And yet I read posts from female and male Fox News viewers on social media about being glad Melania will "bring some class back" into the White House.

Seriously?

Works Cited

Alexander, Michelle. The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness., 2010. Kindle.

My Beef with Sophia Burset

Like many people, Orange is the New Black is one of my favorite shows. If you haven't watched, it’s a Netflix series about a fictitious women's prison. The main character, Piper Chapman, is an upper middle class caucasian woman who has been sent to do hard time. It is the punishment for a decade old crime, committed with an ex-girlfriend, and that ex-girlfriend, Alex, ends up imprisoned along with her. While I can appreciate Piper's character for the contrast it adds, I don't really care for her. And Alex will always be Donna from That 70's Show to me. My favorite characters are definitely some of the other more odd inmates.

For me, I think that Pennsatucky is probably my favorite. If you're unfamiliar, Pennsatucky is a former abortion clinic shooter, who actually commits her crime because they insulted her during one of her own abortions. But the right-wing media ignores that aspect of her crime and instead sells her as an evangelical hero. She ran with it for a while, savoring the role even behind bars. A major component of her falling out of evangelicalism is the friendship she takes up with an atheist, lesbian inmate who ends up being her best friend in the world.

Clearly, this is a show that celebrates diverse women coming together. Other storylines, such as when "the blacks" take in an Asian girl with no other friends, support this notion as well. So, I was taken aback when I heard one of my favorite characters, Sophia, who, as a transgender, is currently transitioning from life as a man into life as a woman, say something dismissive of young women. It was during the third season of the series, while she giving advice to her son (from her marriage while she was living as a man). As NPR explains the scene:

But the visit with her son, who is clearly struggling to process her transition, is just as awkward — especially when Sophia offers to provide advice on dating.

"You want some real advice?" she asks him.

"From my second mom or my used to be dad?" Michael replies.

 Sophia is unfazed. "My dad told me, find a real insecure girl and practice on her. That way, you meet a girl you really like, you'll be good at it."

"You really want to be a lady in a world where men do that?" Michael asks.

Sophia doesn't hesitate. "God help me, I do."

Initially, this irked me. I was irritated with her character, thinking how dare she identify as a woman and then tell her son to use women. Essentially, how dare she appropriate what she likes about us, without respecting us and having sympathy for the ways we are targeted.

I want to make sure I am clear that I'm not saying I think this makes her less of a woman. I'm sure there are some odd moms out that who were born female and have given their sons the same or equally weird advice. If anything, I think that I expected more from her character, given her own struggles to find compassion and understanding. Plus, it was disregard from someone who desperately wants to be recognized as part of the group she was disregarding. For whatever reason, that seems to make it worse.

However, once I thought about it, I changed my mind. I decided I liked that it was included. It was likely a realistic father and son type moment that she was trying to give him, something that really gets said in some households, and it's not okay. It shows that female value and victimization are painted in a different light than any other. If not, why would even someone who has to go through so much to transition into a woman think it was okay to disparage young women like that?

This is why Netflix series are so great. Their dialogues often make you think, and make you talk. While growing up, it felt like every show was the same rehashed ideals and dialogue. It seems like some series have evolved, led the way by HBO and Showtime, and now Netflix and Amazon as well, to include new types of characters and conversations. This is good news because as we saw in The Electric Storyteller, what we watch very much impacts our personal views.

I think for any formerly awkward teenage nightmare, such as myself and many other teenage girls, what Sophia said was disgusting. She has no idea what it is like to navigate a world of aggressive teenage boys, no more than I do what it is like to be transgender. The difference is, I have learned to consider hers. Why has she not mine?