Unfunderwear

These are images from the Victoria's Secret 2017 fashion show in Shanghai. Every year they do this, and women even get excited about it. It's supposedly fun, and daring, and sexy! I just find the whole thing ridiculous. Like I get that those models are acting like they're having fun, but the whole thing is dumb. You can't even buy the things in stores that they show, so what's the real point? Because it isn't "fun."

I'm jaded though. For four excruciatingly long months when I was 20, I co-managed a Victoria's Secret store. It was 40+ hours of me hating life a week. By far, the worst job I have ever held... and as a teenager, I once did telemarketing for Kirby vacuum salesmen, for a cult like franchise outside of Phoenix. They made all of their employees sing songs, clap, and pay a quarter any time we said anything negative at all, including "it's cold in here." It was weird, but still better than working at Victoria's Secret.

First off, it was gross. People have no pride when it comes to their consumerism. The returns were the worst. There were men who returned used lingerie they'd bought as gifts, one in particular who did it consistently, and one woman who scarred me for life by returning a teddy with a big poop streak in it. In addition, couples who want to have sex in public places seem to think that Victoria's Secret is the place to be, which, as you can imagine, is awkward.

But more than gross, it was tedious, not fun work. So many panties. So much inventory. Loss prevention was a nightmare. And all the goddamn perfume and lotion. I'm still touchy about perfumes thanks to working there. If I get a whiff of VS's Love Spell, I nearly vomit. I hated everything about that job. I had taken it only because I was new to the area and really needed the income. I couldn't be picky, so I sucked it up and sorted and straightened a bazillion million trillion panties, until another store decided to open across the mall walkway from us and scouted me. I gladly put my two weeks in at Victoria's Secret about 20 seconds later.

It was just a sad place to work. Aside from the kinky couples, it seemed like no one enjoyed being there, customers and employees alike. I know that now in the new store designs, dressing room lighting comes out of the sides of full length mirrors, instead of overhead. This makes a huge favorable difference in how you appear. Any time light comes at you from the sides and not overhead, you're going to look much better, anyone is. But back when I worked there, 16 or so years ago, the lighting made you look dimpled and harsh, and the short mirrors made you look wider. It doesn't help that their products almost always run small. Picture a woman, feeling awkward at trying to find lingerie for her anniversary as it is, and she puts it on in a size too small in less than optimal conditions. She isn't having fun, or feeling sexy.

There was nothing fun or sexy about selling underwear, either. I was directed to instruct customers that by paying over twice as much as a "regular" store for their underwear, they were treating themselves, and they would feel so much better and stand so much taller because of it. In truth, the sizing ran ridiculously small and their cuts weren't considerate. But because they sold their brand as the key to sexy, it still sold, so they didn't care. Even with the 40% discount, I didn't buy my own underwear there. It's not like anyone ever even knew. I didn't mope around the store all day slouching because I bought my underwear at Kohl's. When I think about my experiences working there, vs. the shows and ads, it's just such a huge contrast. It was the least glamorous job of my entire life.

Recently, my husband told me that during a work trip to another country, he had gotten into a cab and was immediately handed a laminated menu of women in their fancy underwear with their faces blurred out. Their ages, heights, and weights were all listed to the side of them. The cabbie told him the women were looking for fun and asked him if he was too. I try not to be a jealous person, but like anytime prostitution is rampant in his trip destinations for work and he tells me about it, my initial gut reaction is to want to think badly of the women. That want to throw insults at them. Then I have to remind myself of the why and how's of how these women end up there, posing in their underwear, advertising themselves for consumption. You have to remember, they aren't having fun, either.

So yeah, in my opinion, women aren't really ever having oodles of fun thanks to fancy underwear. I think it's safe to say that Victoria's secret is that she's full of crap.